They are all strangers.
Pressing in around me
Closing off my breath.
Sidelong glances, judgment,
Revulsion in their eyes.
Pressing in around me
Closing off my breath.
Sidelong glances, judgment,
Revulsion in their eyes.
No Emergency.
Twitch of coat or skirt
Quickening of step.
Pass by swiftly,
Hurry down the hall
Noises, clashing, laughter
Too loud, too loud!
Rocking, rocking.
No. No.
Running, shuffle, run.
Towering, ominous sky buildings
Crashing down.
Raining.
Sirens.
Hide.
Where? Looking,
Bright lights,
Blue men.
Trapped.
Strangers.
This is my first attempt at poetry/prose. Constructive criticism gladly accepted!
Twitch of coat or skirt
Quickening of step.
Pass by swiftly,
Hurry down the hall
Noises, clashing, laughter
Too loud, too loud!
Rocking, rocking.
No. No.
Running, shuffle, run.
Towering, ominous sky buildings
Crashing down.
Raining.
Sirens.
Hide.
Where? Looking,
Bright lights,
Blue men.
Trapped.
Strangers.
This is my first attempt at poetry/prose. Constructive criticism gladly accepted!
Posts
8 comments:
I wouldn't presume to do a crit, but I loved the phrase 'closing off my breath.' Keep going!
I loved the imagery in this one. Great work!
Love the breathless drama in this piece!
fantastic...really good images :)
and i love the "ominous sky buildings"
Hi Alisa,
I had to remove my comment because it was directed toward another Sunday Scribbler and would not have made sense with this poem! Don't know how that happened... but onto your poem.
I like how we have to infer what's going on in this poem. I also love your sense of urgency achieved by the pacing. I get a feeling of paranoia while reading it. Very effective. Sorry, I don't have any constructive criticism for this one--only praise!
I like the flow of this, the mystery and the action. Very nice work!
No constructive criticism here regarding poetry, my gaping area of non-expertise! But I can tell you I felt the urgency that hit the let-me-outta-here part of me that doesn’t enjoy dealing with crowds :-) My non-solicited advice? Root around over at anno’s place and see if she won’t take a look-see!
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